Dan and Phil: YouTubers confirm ‘Phan’ relationship after 16 years dan and phil British couple
YouTube duo Dan and Phil have confirmed their relationship after 16 years of fan speculation, putting an end to the “constant tension of the Dan and Phil dating plot.”
Dan Howell and Phil Lester have amassed millions of followers, hosted a BBC Radio 1 show, published bestselling books, and toured the world.
The British couple has featured them in their shared home in many comedy and gaming videos, and in 2019 they separately admitted to being gay, but they hadn’t spoken directly about their relationship.
Dan said in the new video, “We were deeply in this relationship in 2009, and almost 16 years later, here we are.” He told his followers that they “can’t live in fear anymore.”
The couple also spoke about the impact of fan intrusion and intense speculation, which Dan said “could have killed me.”
He also explained that due to the impact of his “extremely homophobic childhood,” it took him time to publicly discuss the relationship, which meant they had been “open” for years.
“In my mid-20s, I felt we had to hide this relationship because I was still hiding who I was from my friends, family, and myself,” he said.
“That’s why so much scrutiny from people online shook me to the core, because Phil was my safe space. You were my first boyfriend… you were truly a ray of light in my life at that time.”
Dan continued: “And what we had was the most important thing to me, and I wanted to protect it, so when other people tried to grab hold of it and expose it, I felt completely humiliated.
“Having all these people try to expose us, and then treating me so badly when I tried to hide it, was very upsetting. To be honest, it could have killed me.”
Dan further said that he felt like someone had put a curse on him, and while he achieved great success, “it would be bad for years, with waking up at night worrying and having panic attacks.”
He said that at times he felt like he would be “happier without all of this.”
“Yeah, in 2017, I was thinking, ‘My solo comedy content is taking off on YouTube, maybe this could be my life. I could be like every other YouTuber and enjoy it without the constant stress of this Dan and Phil dating plot.'”
‘A never-ending cycle of secrets’
He said that he decided to go public with his relationship after a recent therapy session.
“My therapist said, ‘Dan, you love being secretive.’ And I said, ‘Excuse me?’
He continued: “I’ve spent so long without any authenticity and stuck in the same situation that I’m now comfortable being unhappy in an environment where I don’t do the things that suddenly make me feel good. I’m trapped in a never-ending cycle of limitations, and this secret conspiracy is just one more thing I’m trapped in.”
Phil added that some followers may have already guessed, but making this announcement “was very scary for us, it’s like another little thing coming out.”
He acknowledged that this move could further fuel homophobia.
“Look, sure, it’s a scary time in the world,” Dan responded. “Frankly, it feels like things are going backwards because the fight for what’s important was going a little too well.
“But I think that’s why it’s more important than ever to say, ‘You know what? Hey, we’re here, gay people. What else?'”
‘Happy and relieved’
Their longtime fans expressed their appreciation and love for their revelation.
“I love you both so much,” one wrote.
Another wrote: “Listen. This isn’t our job. Never has been our job. I’m fully aware this is parasocial. But after all these years, I’m so happy for you both and feel a strange sense of relief.”
“Thank you for making me feel accepted for who I am all these years. I’m so glad you both feel safe in your true selves!” someone posted.
“It’s like Gay Freedom Day,” another said.
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